How to Stop Drifting Through Life and Start Living Intentionally

You can be incredibly intentional about your calendar and still drift through your life.

You know what’s happening this week. The deadlines, the appointments, the dinner you agreed to, the favor you said yes to. But if I asked what kind of life all those decisions are building, could you answer?

Your life is headed somewhere. The question is whether you’re choosing the direction or following whatever needs your attention next.

Where this started for me

My husband and I began our marriage carrying a lot of hurt, and those first couple of years were rough. Somewhere in that season I ran into Stephen Covey’s second habit: begin with the end in mind. Decide where you want to land before you start walking.

I took that idea everywhere. For my marriage, I pictured us later in life, kids grown, still enjoying each other and still wanting to hear what the other had to say. For parenting, I pictured kids who would want to come over once they were adults. Today all three are grown and married, and we still take weekend vacations together every year.

Once I could see the end, everyday decisions got easier. When an opportunity showed up, I could ask where saying yes would take us over the long run.

Meanwhile, I watched good, hardworking people drift. They weren’t careless. They had simply never asked where their choices were heading, and a few years of small yeses later, they were living somewhere they never planned to be.

The real problem

When dependable people tell me what’s going wrong, I hear the same things. Too busy. Can’t say no. Need better time management. So they download the app, buy the planner, and wake up at 5 a.m. for about a week.

When I look closer, the missing piece is direction. Most have a general sense: love my family, honor God, do good work. All true, and all too broad to help when someone asks you to take on one more thing on a Thursday afternoon.

A general sense can’t answer a specific question.

So decisions get made by guilt, fatigue, and whoever asks the loudest. Reliable people have it hardest, because everything keeps working without a stated direction. Nothing forces you to stop and ask where it’s all going.

Three steps to live intentionally

1. Start with the end

Picture the end of this season or your life, and make it a scene. “Peace” and “balance” are too fuzzy to build on. Mine was a Tuesday night with my husband, and later a living room full of grown kids who wanted to be there. Where are you, who is with you, and what would they say about how you lived and loved?

2. Write one sentence per role

Spouse, parent, leader, friend, steward of your time. Keep each one simple enough to use in the moment. Mine for leading: “I want to lead in a way that helps people feel trusted, valued, and equipped to do good work.”

3. Let the sentence filter your yeses

When a request, conflict, or commitment shows up, ask, “Does saying yes to this move me toward the person I said I want to be?”

The direction of your life is determined by the decisions you make along the way.

Try it this week

Set a timer for ten minutes and finish this sentence: “In this season, I’m building ______ so that ______.”

Your first draft will run long and a little messy. Cross out every word that sounds impressive but says nothing, until a twelve-year-old could repeat it. Then run it past one decision on your calendar, and say it out loud to one person it affects. Once someone else has heard it, it starts to feel real.

Want help doing this with your spouse? My annual planning guide for couples, The Couple’s Compass, is on Amazon. And for the full story behind all of this, listen to the episode.